So much for ZEN attitude!

Yup you guessed it I've been wide awake since 5am with a not in my stomach, and thoughts of work pouring through my mind again!

Thank goodness we are going out for lunch, maby some conversation with others will help me get over this, otherwise I fear I will have a spectacular blow out tomorrow at work!

Anyways something completely different... my current fav layout is....................

Calming down and looking forward.....

Well I did'nt sleep much last night. I even asked the girls on Scrapitude if i should remove my Blog post. Am I really that unsure of myself?

Thankfully the ladies on the board make good sence. (thanks ladies, you know who you are). I am probably not as out and out mad as last night but I have to admit it still irks me when i think about it, and i have to admit that has still been pretty often today! All in All I'm almost back to my zen attitude, hubby & Ross do not seem concerned so it must not be sowing too much.

Today was a bit of a nothing day, It was beautifully sunny outside and felt like a spring day rather than mid february. Ross had yet another Birthday party to go to this afternoon. When I looked up the adress I realised it was at the other end of the town.. so how to get him there with no car and no pblic transport???? We cycled! It is so great that he is finally old enough to cycle beside me, rather than need the cycle seat (which honestly I could never manage, so it was always on hubbys bike). he was a bit puffed by the time we arrived but all was soon forgotten in the party madness. I almost raced home, it was just so nice to be cycling again.

Once Hubby came home from meeting a couple of friends at Disney we had a nice quiet afternoon together, then both cycled back to pick Ross up. All together a nice restful day of not doing much of anything special.

Looking forward? Well yes, but not necessarily on the work front. A lot of personal stuff will be happening in the next few weeks so I honestly want to concentrate on that, to the point that when my boss called me on my mobile today (to ask directions to a shop of all things), he asked how work was yesterday...... and I just said I would see him monday, have a good weekend ... and left it at that! What's the point hashing over stuff on the telephone when you can't do anything about it anyways until Monday? Yup I'm working on the zen thing again!

Well Blow me but I think I'm going to scream!

Well today was just a nightmare, to be fair the entire week has been one waiting to happen!

I need to write this and if it offends anyone tough luck!

Some folks really Pi-- me off!

OK so why you ask? Simply put you really can't please everyone, especially at work! I've been trying to hand over part of my job to someone who has just come back from maternity leave.... well I knew she was not happy with taking over the particular job, but it seems she is determined to make my life miserable with it!

If you don't agree with my way of doing things, just tell me to my face.... if you want to change stuff do it or check your ideas with the boss.... if you want me to step out completely have the guts to tell me.... basically DO NOT GO CRYING TO EVERYONE ELSE. DO NOT BLACKEN MY NAME WITH OUR OTHER COLLEGUES.

I think anyone reading this has already guessed that all is not well huh! Tonight was the last straw when I was verbally attatcked by one of the folks I thought had more sence than get involved. Well was I ever wrong!

I'm sorry folks think i'm stepping on their toes, but honestly I'm following the orders set out by our boss. When he says jump I jump.... it may not be to everyones taste but i've learned from bitter experience that for me not to have a miserable life i have to take care of myself, not necessarily get involved in everyone else's gripes with the boss. I've had more downs than ups in the last few years, so honestly folks I can understand better than most your frustrations, but at the same time realise that I can only do so much, and it does not include babysitting everyones feelings.

As I explained (or so i thought) I have handed over certain tasks straight away, but for others I've been told to keep involved as i've been in the project for two years which is only just "going live", hence I have a certain historical knowledge of decisions made. Once the flaming thing is working perfectly (or as near as any computer system ever does..), my replacement can have it all, until then it's just plain common sence that I stay involved.

So what am i really saying??

1. its not personal
2. i'm not empire building
3. I don't want work to be a nightmare
4. let's just try to get through this thing withought strangling anyone.....

Yes it's a lot of I, well hell this is my Blog and I'll say what I want.

Oh and for anyone who cares I'm still not scrapping, but I have started to do jigsaws again... My patience needs work at the moment!

Well it seems the Blog bug is back.

After finally posting an entry last night (or should that be this morning?? after all it was after midnight!), I thought a lot about what i wrote today.

It felt really good just to put the words down, so maby I should start doing this a bit more often again. Strange how basically writing to knowone in particular can help clear your head.

So anyway we'll see how it goes over the next few days/weeks. Who knows maby the bug really has bitten again.

Does being content make me wrong?

A "Friend" told me today that I had lost my way..... basically what she was saying was that since I consider myself "happy, and content with my life", I have lost all my drive and ambition.

In a way she is right. I'm not driven by my career, I don't want to move jobs to get a promotion, more money ...whatever. I like being where I am (big change from a year ago!!), I find my job a challenge and I don't dread going to work each morning..

Most of all I am VERY happy with my life. I love my Husband deeply, have a fabulous little boy who never ceases to amaze me and a lifestyle which may not be filled with luxuries, but is certainly not on the breadline either.

So what I basically want to know is..... Is it so bad to consider you do not always need more?

I don't deny that there are frustrations in my life, I don't deny that I sometimes crave new challenges, A bit more cash would never hurt.... and yes I would love to be able to do some of the things I did when I was single (holidays abroad, lovely clothes, Go out more often, etc...), but at the same time the joy of my family and the challenges I find at work are sufficient to make me smile each day and not hate living. I honestly think that is fine for now.

Have I lost my way, just because my priorities have changed and I have settled for somethng a little more realistic than my dreams? I have to answer honestly I don't think so.