Well it's been a while!!

Again!

Over a month since my last blog entry here (I do have another blog on a site I visit.... have to admit I don't update that much more often either!).

It's been a really busy time for me both at work and home so no guilt issues here. I've barely been on the home PC for weeks. I've even been on vacation this week and have barely used the PC other than to sign in to Scrapitudes to check whats going on.

The best bit of my month has to have been getting a new camera! My wonderful Kodak! It's not a full SLR but it's got manual options , which of course I've not yet figured out, or read the manual. I've been getting some great results, which have been pushing me to scrap more, saying that I'm still scrapping slowly, but at least I'm scrapping.

Well off to do some more housework before hubby gets home from work.

here are a couple of my recent photos.

I must be getting better at this web lark!

I actually managed to create and add a lideshow of photos!! bit of a miracle for a web numbskul like me!

All on my own....

Well after two weeks off work... one sick and one on vacation.... I have to go back tomorrow. I don't know what to expect but I'm not hoping for much! In fact I'm kind of dreading it. Oh well my motivation has taken a big knock, but I'll just hope everything has blown over and that I'll be able to get on with work as if nothing had ever been said (fat chance i know but a girl can dream!).

On other stuff Greg and Ross went to the UK yesterday so I now have the house all to myself for the first time in years! it's such a strange feeling, especially at night. I had a really hard time sleeping last night and today feels really strange knowing that I've no deadlines... lunch... dinner... bath...bedtime etc!

So much for ZEN attitude!

Yup you guessed it I've been wide awake since 5am with a not in my stomach, and thoughts of work pouring through my mind again!

Thank goodness we are going out for lunch, maby some conversation with others will help me get over this, otherwise I fear I will have a spectacular blow out tomorrow at work!

Anyways something completely different... my current fav layout is....................

Calming down and looking forward.....

Well I did'nt sleep much last night. I even asked the girls on Scrapitude if i should remove my Blog post. Am I really that unsure of myself?

Thankfully the ladies on the board make good sence. (thanks ladies, you know who you are). I am probably not as out and out mad as last night but I have to admit it still irks me when i think about it, and i have to admit that has still been pretty often today! All in All I'm almost back to my zen attitude, hubby & Ross do not seem concerned so it must not be sowing too much.

Today was a bit of a nothing day, It was beautifully sunny outside and felt like a spring day rather than mid february. Ross had yet another Birthday party to go to this afternoon. When I looked up the adress I realised it was at the other end of the town.. so how to get him there with no car and no pblic transport???? We cycled! It is so great that he is finally old enough to cycle beside me, rather than need the cycle seat (which honestly I could never manage, so it was always on hubbys bike). he was a bit puffed by the time we arrived but all was soon forgotten in the party madness. I almost raced home, it was just so nice to be cycling again.

Once Hubby came home from meeting a couple of friends at Disney we had a nice quiet afternoon together, then both cycled back to pick Ross up. All together a nice restful day of not doing much of anything special.

Looking forward? Well yes, but not necessarily on the work front. A lot of personal stuff will be happening in the next few weeks so I honestly want to concentrate on that, to the point that when my boss called me on my mobile today (to ask directions to a shop of all things), he asked how work was yesterday...... and I just said I would see him monday, have a good weekend ... and left it at that! What's the point hashing over stuff on the telephone when you can't do anything about it anyways until Monday? Yup I'm working on the zen thing again!

Well Blow me but I think I'm going to scream!

Well today was just a nightmare, to be fair the entire week has been one waiting to happen!

I need to write this and if it offends anyone tough luck!

Some folks really Pi-- me off!

OK so why you ask? Simply put you really can't please everyone, especially at work! I've been trying to hand over part of my job to someone who has just come back from maternity leave.... well I knew she was not happy with taking over the particular job, but it seems she is determined to make my life miserable with it!

If you don't agree with my way of doing things, just tell me to my face.... if you want to change stuff do it or check your ideas with the boss.... if you want me to step out completely have the guts to tell me.... basically DO NOT GO CRYING TO EVERYONE ELSE. DO NOT BLACKEN MY NAME WITH OUR OTHER COLLEGUES.

I think anyone reading this has already guessed that all is not well huh! Tonight was the last straw when I was verbally attatcked by one of the folks I thought had more sence than get involved. Well was I ever wrong!

I'm sorry folks think i'm stepping on their toes, but honestly I'm following the orders set out by our boss. When he says jump I jump.... it may not be to everyones taste but i've learned from bitter experience that for me not to have a miserable life i have to take care of myself, not necessarily get involved in everyone else's gripes with the boss. I've had more downs than ups in the last few years, so honestly folks I can understand better than most your frustrations, but at the same time realise that I can only do so much, and it does not include babysitting everyones feelings.

As I explained (or so i thought) I have handed over certain tasks straight away, but for others I've been told to keep involved as i've been in the project for two years which is only just "going live", hence I have a certain historical knowledge of decisions made. Once the flaming thing is working perfectly (or as near as any computer system ever does..), my replacement can have it all, until then it's just plain common sence that I stay involved.

So what am i really saying??

1. its not personal
2. i'm not empire building
3. I don't want work to be a nightmare
4. let's just try to get through this thing withought strangling anyone.....

Yes it's a lot of I, well hell this is my Blog and I'll say what I want.

Oh and for anyone who cares I'm still not scrapping, but I have started to do jigsaws again... My patience needs work at the moment!

Well it seems the Blog bug is back.

After finally posting an entry last night (or should that be this morning?? after all it was after midnight!), I thought a lot about what i wrote today.

It felt really good just to put the words down, so maby I should start doing this a bit more often again. Strange how basically writing to knowone in particular can help clear your head.

So anyway we'll see how it goes over the next few days/weeks. Who knows maby the bug really has bitten again.

Does being content make me wrong?

A "Friend" told me today that I had lost my way..... basically what she was saying was that since I consider myself "happy, and content with my life", I have lost all my drive and ambition.

In a way she is right. I'm not driven by my career, I don't want to move jobs to get a promotion, more money ...whatever. I like being where I am (big change from a year ago!!), I find my job a challenge and I don't dread going to work each morning..

Most of all I am VERY happy with my life. I love my Husband deeply, have a fabulous little boy who never ceases to amaze me and a lifestyle which may not be filled with luxuries, but is certainly not on the breadline either.

So what I basically want to know is..... Is it so bad to consider you do not always need more?

I don't deny that there are frustrations in my life, I don't deny that I sometimes crave new challenges, A bit more cash would never hurt.... and yes I would love to be able to do some of the things I did when I was single (holidays abroad, lovely clothes, Go out more often, etc...), but at the same time the joy of my family and the challenges I find at work are sufficient to make me smile each day and not hate living. I honestly think that is fine for now.

Have I lost my way, just because my priorities have changed and I have settled for somethng a little more realistic than my dreams? I have to answer honestly I don't think so.

Well Well.... Its January already!!

Happy NEW YEAR

Yup I've been missing again!! Its been a really busy December both at work and at home. We passed a wonderful Christmas and a fairly quiet New years.

Generally I need to get myself organised. I have made some fairly majour decisions, like taking back over the family finances, which will be effecting how much time I have to spend on other projects. I guess I will have to be doing a lot of juggling to get everything covered.

Ross has had another wonderful term at School and really is progressing well. He is insisting on writing everything for himself, therefore Christmas cards took ages, but were a lot of fun!! It amazes me that at 4 1/2 he is writing and starting to read. I know I was reading at 5 1/2 so my Mum must have really worked a lot with me too. Oh and as you can see he is growing in leaps and bounds too.

Scrapping wise I've not been doing a lot as I've a) been too busy and b) just not been in the mood. I would like to think I will get at least one LO done per week, but am seriously thinking of changing to a smaller format than 12 x 12 for most of my LOs. I have already done a lot of rectangular stuff and have to admit I find this much easier for the single photo LOs.

Well off now, hopefully I'll be a bit better at keeping this thing updated this year.

TFL.

Where did October go?

Just logged in and realised my last post was on October 1st! What the heck happened to last month??

Well I guess i know, basically it passed in a blur of business and madness. New stuff at work has meant that I've not gotten very much accomplished and seem to have spent the entire time just trying to stay above water.

Scrap wise I scrapped like a mad thing during the Scrapitudes Cyber Crop and produced more LOs and stuff than I've done in the last few months stuck together. Other than the Cyber Crop it's been a pretty lean patch for me, except for one LO which I think is soooooooooooo my best ever. The problem being it's got a metalic frame so scans rubbish, oh and as usual the sticky letters decide to be non sticky and I've had to re-stick stuff.

I kow it's not "fashionable", or "distressed" or "Flowery".....or....or.....or...... BUT it is so my style! Think I just need to accept that I will always do what I want and ignore all fashions!

We are doing a Christmas advent swap on Scrapitude and I received the name of my swapee, it's going to be tough as I always find it difficult to shop for someone I've never met. I also am pretty cash strapped (again!) so have to be a bit careful with the spending, I guess loads of immagination is called for here!

Well off to take Ross to the doc, he had a pretty bad night and I know he's sick by the simple fact I can't get him to eat or drink. He's norlmally asking for breakfast as soon as he wakes up.... oh but not today!

SJs Sunday Bloggers prompt....

list 5 things that you hate.......

Ok so that should not be a problem, more of a problem to pick hust 5 as i can be pretty negative and have LOADS of pet peeves!

5. Bad humour. you know the stuff that is just plain dumb! We got BBC Prime to expose Ross to some decent British TV....... all was ok until they started showing 6 episodes (I mean who really wants to watch 3 hours of the same thing???) of some drivel called "the cumars at something or other..." Is this honestly the best British TV has to offer newadays? If yes I'm soooooooo glad I'm not living over there anymore.

4. Drivers who forget what it's like to actually walk anywhere. You know the kind who don't know what an indicator is, understand what a cross walk is for.... oh and have no idea that parking right in front of a crossing in a HUGE 4x4 is likely to make it impossible to see oncoming traffic.

3. People who hate their job, the company they work for, yet insist on staying on and moaning morning, noon and night to all those forced to be around them. GET A LIFE, CHANGE JOBS.... DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE SITUATION! I realise it's always hard to change, but if you hate it so much, TRY! (can you tell I've got a couple of these folks in my team at work?).

2. Call centers. I think most folks hate these. The worst have got to be the banks, you know the calls trying to get you to take out new services, change accounts, move banks, have extra insurance, pensions......... Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. these people drive me batty, especially as they always manage to call at dinner time.

1. Parent who let their kids run riot in shops and restuarants. I aint saying my little one is perfect but he soooooooooo knows whats going to happen if her runs mad or shouts, or generally mis behaves in these places. It's rude, irresponsible and down right dangerous (as an ex restuarant employee I can attest to so many horrible accidents, think tomato soup all over wedding guest, type thing!!).

In stress hell...............................

It's been a horrible day!

Firstly Ross woke up in the middle of the night screaming, which is really unusual for him. Took ages to calm down and go back to sleep. I woke up again at 7am and decided i could have another hour, and anyways Ross was sure to wake me up!

9.35am i looked at the clock and frieked as I was supposed to be at a school meeting at 9.30! Where was my usual wake up call from Ross?? He was being a perfect angel and playing quietly in his room with his lego! on the one morning I was counting on him coming through demmanding breakfast!

10am telephone rings, it's Ross' godparents saying they will be here in 10 mins to drop off an anniversary pressie! i had to rudely wake hubby..... started his day in a total grump mood.

After they left I thought we would go get the shoping done, ah how wrong could i be! By this time Hubby is in a total mood and all he wants to do is sleep. I finally managed to get everyone fed at lunchtime and peeled away from the TV at 3pm! only to get to the supermarket to find them out of stock on loads of stuff...... Now I'll somehow need to get major shopping between leaving work at 6pm and picking Ross up at 6.45pm on monday (that's gonna take a miracle as I travel 35mins)!

Well after we got home Hubby is still in a rubbish mood (I know he's stressing about monday), and spends the next few hours moaning and yelling at Ross for minor stuff. I swear i'm fed up of the nit picking sometimes. i understand his upbringing was different from mine, but I'm afraid I just can't get with the heavy handed attitude over clearing plates at dinner etc. (I have to admit I also don't agree with it, and to an extent blame it for greg being overweight!).

OK gripe over, it's well after midnight and i'm going to try to get some sleep. hubby is working tomorrow so maby i'll get some scrapping done to calm me down a little.

TTFN. Oh and thanks for reading the drivel!

Getting a little stressed now....

I've not been blogging much recently about what's been going on in my private life, mainlt because its a bit hectic and more than a little scary.

Earlier this week hubby had a visit at the hospital to be evaluated for possible stomack surgery to help him loose weight. After he was weighed and measured from every possible angle the doc considers that he needs to loose between 50 - 60kilos. That seems like a huge ammount to me. I know he's big but honestly I'm not sure that are taking into account how broad he is. I've seen photos of him as a kid and he has always had the most huge shoulders!

Of course this visit was only a first step, now he has loads of tests to do and xrays, and scans, and specialist visits, and nutritionalists, and, and, and.....

Next Monday he is going into Hospital to have a procedure to see if he has any apparent blockages into/out of his heart. If he does they will put in place one or more stents to open the arteries. We have both been pretty calm about this on the surface but I can be honest here and say that inside I am absolutely petrified. He has had so many health problems and is allergic to iodine which they use in the op! I'm just frieked that something could go wrong.

It's strange how you suddenly realise how hard it would be to cope on your own. I've no family here, and no-one to lean on in a real sence. Our best friends here live quite a distance a way, there is no sence of "community" where we live, and my work collegues are not the type of people I would easily ask for help from. In a way I'm realising just how isolated I am.

Well here is where I stop whining and admit that I will either be blogging a lot in the coming weeks to vent the rubbish, or I'll be dissapearing totally into my little mad world, so if I'm up to it I may be crying on your shoulder, and if I'm not I'll come back when the cloud clears.

Finally in the mood to scrap

After quite some time where I've been scrapping intermittently I'm actually inspired to get moving again. It could also be due to the fact that I've finally bought new printer ink and new photo paper!......

This week I received an order from Scrapitude with some gorgeous new papers. Once I opened the box I was surprised to see that I had unconciously ordered loads of papers which are autumn tones. it could be due to this that my scrap urge is back. i love the papers and the colours and the patterns.....and....and.

Anyways I finished the first LO using the papers last night, and I think it may even be my new fav (told you it changed daily!!).Oh and I also did a digi to send to my mum!

Late I know!

Last Sundays Sunday Blogger challenge on Scrapitude was to make an entry about your fav LO of someone else and your own personal Favourite LO.

Life kind of got in the way this week but here is a very brief post!!

I love this LO by Jae, in fact I love most of her LOs. They inspire me as they are always fresh and I can totally understand the feelings behind them. Jae is always true to herself in her scrapping and I like that. I love the lines, the layering, the subtle use of inking/chalking etc. Nothing ever feels too heavy or un necessary.

My own favourite LO changes from day to day so it's pretty hard for me to choos one. I may need to spend some time having a thorough look through my LOs again as I really can't put a finger on any one and say that it is truly my "favourite". I could always claim that my most recent is my fav, but that would not always be true either.

Well off to waffle some more elsewhere now. See ya!


Actually I take it back, I love this one. I'm in it which is really rare but something about it draws me to it very often.

What do I like about me????

Truthfully? i'm not too sure.

Scrappyfairy challenged us to Blog about what we like about ourselfs, but I'm honestly finding it hard to think about this. I just spent some time reading the other ladies blogs and I am at least reassured that everyone finds this difficult.

I would have to say I like my personality, I like how I can deal with rubbish thrown at me from loads of different directions, how I've coped with work and stuff in general. I'm tough with a soft center (beleive it or not!!). Not everyone gets to see the soft side of me, a lot of folks only see the "mean manager", but basically cause they are outside of my team and don't actually "know" me.

I LIKE my life in general, we have cash worries, and future worries, and family worries..... but I still like where we are and what we are as a family, I consider that a success. I can't actually anme any physical attributes i like, or would not change if I had the cash or the willpower, but as i really don't beleive in all the physical beauty hype, what does that matter?

More vacation nightmares.

Well could we have picked a worse time to fly?? We are supposed to fly out to my mum tomorrow to collect Ross, I sooooooooooo hope all is ok with the flights.

If for whatever reason the flight is cancelled how do you explain to a four year old that mummy & daddy can't come to get him after all? Especially considering he's so excited about seeing us (and I have to admit I am equally excited about seeing him!).

I guess this will be the last post for a while as I sooooooo don't intend to be on the PC much from Scotland. Not only is the PC over there an antique.... but honestly I have better ways to spend my days in Scotland! So hopefully here is to two weeks of reasonable weather and some fun and relaxation. back in a bit.

Ah crap....

Why is it that something always goes wrong just before vacation??

1. At the weekend my mum THOUGHT she had her bag stolen..... she calls to let me know, knowing that she had a credit card in my name in the bag (which had to be cancelled from my French account), and the Credit Card statement for my british account, which meant I had to cancel my British card too!

The reason she had both is that she takes the money out of my French account (using French card) to pay my English account (who don't get the whole international banking thing, and have gone security nuts in the last couple of years!). Luckily she had not taken the cash out to actually pay the account yet!

Well of course two hours later she finds the bag, cards, statement and all buried under some linen in her caravan!! Of course by this time everything is cancelled, new statements are ordered etc.... oh and a late charge will of course be added to my UK account for late payment of the bill!!

2. Hubby gets his pay check and finds out he is down 250euros because of his last illness!

3. The tax department has "lost" our last payment for after school care, so now we have two months to pay in one go, and a check to cancel at our own cost.

What the Hell else can go wrong in the next 10 days?? I know I should not ask as something surely will! Wish me Luck!

Ahhhhhhhhh. Bl---y PC and whatever!

Well I spent ages yesterday preparing a whole update to this thing and when I pushed PUBLISH........................... yup the PC decided to have an "off" moment! No idea what happened to my post, it just dissapeared into cyber hell.

It's still unbearably hot here and I'm really starting to suffer from lack of sleep. So much so that I almost fell asleep at my desk this afternoon. I think it's the air conditioning, I feel so nice and cool that my body just wants to curl up under the desk and rest in the nice fresh air. They are now predicting no real change in the weather for at least the next three weeks........ not sure I can cope much longer.

Work is really busy and I'm not getting much "me" time at home so I've got a problem with getting everything I want done. On a happy not the lounge/bedroom is looking great and hopefully the little one's room will son be looking good too. The heat even effects all of this as everything takes at least twice as long as planned.... work 15mins....rest 15 mins...... you get my meaning!

Pick me up and pour me out.......

That is whatever is left of me after I turn into a greasy spot on the floor. We spend the entire winter wishing for Summer....... then when it arrives wish for rain! It's hot, it's sticky and I'm already fed up with it!!

Maby if I actually had a chance to to out and enjoy the sunshine I would feel differently. We have finally finished all the painting in the lounge/bedroom but that meant working through three days of incredible heat last weekend. I honestly feel like I havent stopped since the beginning of the month when I took the little one to Scotland.

I still can't really get to my scrap stuff and that is a major source of frustration too, so much so that I've taken a day off work tomorrow to advance my "tidying" just so I can get my scrap stuff accessible and get the table where I want it etc.

I've also realised I need help with my computer skills for the web stuff. I would love to be able to do things like embed links in my blog test, create links to other bloggers sites etc. I just can't seem to get the hang of it from the "help" menus. When I learned to attatch photos I got it really quick because a "real" person helped me, maby that's what I need to find, a "buddy" to talk me through a few things.

Work wise things are getting calmer on some fronts and crazier on others. It's typical of this time of year as the convention business has given way to real tourists, therefore convention audit is quiet...... however all the "inherited" jobs seem to need attention and the projects too so I'm almost as busy as ever. There are quite a lot of staff issues to be cleared up too so I'm just trying to keep everyone calm and assured that they will all get sorted out in time.

Well off to drip somewhere else..........